03 November 2013

a cure for pain

"A Cure for Pain"
Scientists today unveiled a discovery that will change the face of modern medicine forever: a cure for pain.

The cure, they said at a closed press conference in an undisclosed location, was simply "So simple we just hadn't really thought about it." But now, following the discovery and the conclusion of a small-scale human trial, these doctors and researchers are sure that the cure is not only 100% effective, but also "Completely pain free."

"It's really quite simple," one of the lead researchers stated during the conference. "To stop pain, all one must do is stop the heart from recognizing those sensations which result in the brain producing the reaction that leads to a pain conclusion."

As testing continues and research is presented to leading national authorities for approval of the cure as a packable, retail-based drug--including presentations currently underway to the FDA, DHHS, and WHO--all research seems to point to complete effectiveness of the cure for those willing to undergo treatment. It has been noted that some who were approached to participate in the drug trials were hesitant, or even refused, to serve as test subjects. However, among those who were treated and cured by this new pain cure were the following:
  • Persons who recently underwent major life changes including break-ups, job loss, etc.
  • Recent divorcees, widows/widowers, etc.
  • Persons suffering from extreme empathy and those phobic to bad news  
  • ... and so forth
The treatment, doctors say, is simple enough to administer and acts permanently without the need for a second dose.

"All it takes," said one doctor present at the conference, "is to stop the heart."

Among the list of possible side effects are: apathy, heart failure, and in some cases, death.

"But," it was noted at the press conference, "when you weight the options--pain, or no pain--isn't a life without pain worth the risk?"


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