22 August 2011

10 reasons you should NOT be a poet

Today, out of nothing but a sense of bored curiosity, I found myself conducting intense research (five minutes on Google) to learn some of the top ten reasons one should be a poet. After reading through about twenty (or five) blog posts in which geniuses (14 year olds) discussed why becoming a poet is not an unrealistic career choice, I came to a stunning (somewhat expected) and controversial (not really) conclusion ... There are a lot of people out there who probably shouldn't be poets. Okay, maybe that's a little strong (it's not), but it did get me thinking about why people shouldn't be poets (which some people, again, definitely shouldn't). So I made a list. And since they're pretty popular (kind of (not really)) these days (or at some time (a few years ago (okay, never))), it's a top ten list.

1. You got an A in an English class once. Congratulations. You've managed to achieve something pretty great. Next year, it'll be an Emmy, and then, the Nobel Peace Prize! You know what award you probably won't get for having that one time gotten an A in 9th grade English? The Poet Laureate-ship.

2. You stink at Math. Congratulations. Now there might be two things you stink at.

3. You have deep passionate feelings. Congratulations. You are not a robot. But there's a chance a robot could still make a better poet than you. I mean, have you read CAPTCHAs? Those things are genius.

4. Nobody thought Walt Whitman would make it as a poet, either! Hey, buddy, guess what? YOU'RE NOT WALT WHITMAN!

5. People thought the same thing about, like, Emily Dickinson, or T.S. Eliot, or Frank O'Ha--- Look, just stop ... You are not Dickinson, Eliot, or Frank O'Hara. You are not Shakespeare. So stop riding on the backs of other folks and come up with your own reasons.

6. Your mom likes your poetry. Guess what else your mom likes? Every single thing you throw at her. Your mom would like it if you brought her a stick with mud on it and called it art.

7. Your teacher said you have a gift. ... I'm not even going to dignify that one with a response.

8. "My poems are SOOOO much better than that [radio edit] we learn at school!" .... I hate you.

9. "I write songs, too!" So did Rebecca Black. See how that turned out for her.

10. "But, it's my dream!" No, your "dream" is that a ten foot clown is chasing you with a herring up the side of a jelly bean mountain and just before you wake up the clown turns into a bear and you're like, "WOAH!" and you fall off the side, and you're all "AAAAAH!" and you wake up with your fist in your mouth ... Sorry, I'm projecting a little bit.

... Then again, I'd call myself a poet, and I have thought every single one of these silly things...


  1. Hey Khara,

    Quite a list there!

    Bottom line, from one poet to another, a poet is a poet is a poet!

    It does take a lot of staying power to be a poet--best to you!

  2. Hi, Patricia!

    This list is, of course, all in good fun; I'll bet many of the best poets these days started off thinking many of the same things on this list ... I know I thought most of them when I was younger (and I won't lie ... I still think some of them now)!


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